Tuesday, June 30, 2009

You wanted free answers

The internet is full of people looking for answers to things. This is how I like to screw with them. The following are via yahoo answers.

Original Post:
How do I get rid of a beehive? I have a nest under my porch and every summer there are tons of bees all over my yard. Anyone know how to make them stop coming back?

Bee master (ME):
Have you tried the honey technique? Dip your hand in honey get really close to the hive and lure the bees away. When they get tired of making their own honey and realize that you have an abundant source of free, non union honey they will move to the good life. Then just smear all that honey on a neighbors door preferably the one you didn't like anyways.

Optimus Bee (also me):
lol the honey hand only works in Canada you need to lure the bees from hiding by pretending to be their queen. The queen of the africanus Beeimus calls her bees with a low hum like sound. As everyone knows bees will not sting their queen so get as close as you can and hum loudly when you are designated as the new queen you simply have to walk away from your house and the bees will follow. Hum again and the bees will stay where you designate. This worked for my neighbor Bill.

Original Poster:
Ok Optimus Bee that sounds totally made up nothing I google about humming to bees comes up at all.

Bee Keeper 3000 (also me):
No Optimus is Totally right as a 30 year bee keeper this is what I always use to keep bees from stinging me. Just make sure you get close enough to the hive when you start your lips almost have to be touching it for it to work right. Also I have heard of the honey hand technique working in Canada but I have never tried it personal.

Original Poster:
........ Are you serious!?

Bee Keeper 3000 (also me):
Why would I take the time to answer you if I was just going to blow smoke?

Original Poster:
I think I am just going to get some pesticide or something.

Bee Master:
Fine if you don't want to get rid of that neighbor I guess killing innocent bees is the answer YOU MURDERER!

Original Poster:
I don't want to kill them they are just dangerous don't get all huffy.

Optimus Bee (also me):
If you want an organic pesticide that wont hurt them just drive them away combine 2 cups, of water 1 cup of sugar, tablespoon of honey, and a dash of all spice (for flavor). Then spray liberally.

Original Poster:
Wont sugar and water just attract more bees?

Optimus Bee (also me):
I thought you wanted more bees? For less bees don't use the all spice.

I never heard back from her I hope her bee situation worked out.


Jeff and Anna too! said...

Oh my gosh I am going to die laughing... hahahaha that just made my whole day.

Lunatron (aka Jamie) said...

I've also heard that kicking at it works sometimes. Funny post.