Monday, June 8, 2009

Things I wish I could say... and sometimes do

Eat, drink, and be happy for tomorrow we die.... or you know go to the doctor and get that looked at.

Driving to work is a lot like pulling a tooth out with pliers, you know except without the satisfaction of a job well done and the taste of blood.

Babies are universally cute and cuddly... except your baby it's just hideous.

Why wouldn't I want to look at 15 years of photo albums about people I don't really care about, every picture associated with a story that is so boring I would literally rather have my face eaten off by ants than listen to?

If people could read my mind I would have a lot less friends, and no job and would probably be burned at the stake. But in my defense... na never mind let me help you light that.

Cheese is just really tasty mold with a good marketing plan. My less appreciated flesh eating bacteria soda just never got the buzz I felt it deserved. Great slogan though Eat drink and be merry because tomorrow your dead now with lime!

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