Your New car

Sometimes when I get really bored I post responses on craigslist here is one I had some fun with last week.

Original Ad:
Poor College Student looking to buy a used car anyone out there looking to sell?

From: Sydeninsomniac
Hi I saw your ad, I have a car I am looking to sell it's a reliable land rover in nearly perfect condition only has 242,000 miles on it (but most of that was down hill and those miles don't count as much) It is green and in some places red actually that will wash off so mostly green. If the millage is too high just let me know and I can crack it open and roll it back a bit. Just a few problems to note:

The drivers side door does not open from the outside so you have to go in through the back. Also the passengers side door does not open. The batteries in my auto lock ran out about a month ago and I can't unlock anything so the doors will remain shut until you get a new one. I can reduce the cost of the car by that of the battery if that helps.

The glove box is sealed shut from the glue I left in there (next time I will leave it in the bottle lol) but that's ok because I left half a salad in there from that time I was dating a hippie girl and told her I liked salad. But I couldn't force down any more and shoved it in the then glue covered glove box. So it is probably better that it doesn't open anyways.

Rear door is broken and does not lock (thank Goodness) and sometimes opens when you are on the freeway but if you kind of swerve back and forth real fast you can make it shut itself for a few miles.

The headlights are broken but the spotter lights on top work this is actually better because you can point the lights where you want to see and are not limited by just in front of the car.

If anyone asks you about the blood stain on the carpet in the back just tell that the previous owner liked to hunt or something they will buy that.

The brakes are brand new and of my own design and work almost 90% of the time I think it will be break through to the automotive world ha Brake through lol.

Oh and when I turn on the AC there is a smell like molten death so usually I leave it off. Plus you get some pretty good airflow from the back door opening so much.

So if there are any questions just let me know I am only asking $18,000 which is a steal for this kind of vehicle. Also I only take cash or checks made out to cash.

From poster to me:
Like I said I am a starving student so this is out of my price range thanks though.

From me to Student:
I'm sorry I meant to say $17,998 I deducted $2 for the battery.

From poster to me:
Ya it's not what I am looking for.

From me to student:
I am willing to negotiate the price came down yesterday the prototype brakes did not go as planned and now it has a cracked windshield and dented front. But the prototype mark II are installed and so far so good. So with the new technology and all I could come down to maybe $17,800.

From poster to me:
Look your car sounds like a piece of crap I don't want it stop contacting me!

From me to student:
As it turns out that "dog" I hit wasn't what I thought it was. How about I give you the car tonight and you give me $500 that will cover my plane ticket to Mexico?

From poster to me:
What the hell is wrong with you!? Did you hit someone with that piece of crap?

From me to Student:
Look I am a little desperate here so just give me $400 and we will put the car in your name today. You can't beat a deal like that!

From Poster to me
This conversation is over stop contacting me!! YOU ARE MENTALLY ILL SEEK HELP!!!

From me to student:
Sorry to say that the car you where so interested in is no longer available would you be interested in a different Black Land Rover newly painted, new windshield, New front end?

From poster to me:
What!!? NO STOP EMAILING IF I HEAR FROM YOU ANYMORE I AM CONTACTING THE POLICE!

From me to student:
ok.