Thursday, June 11, 2009

Virgin Insurance

I have recently discovered the ultimate fail safe for parents who are worried about their kids having sex, Virgin Insurance. This revolutionary new tool will make sure that your kids are safe at home and will never slip up. For an initial start up fee of 60$ and only 12 dollars a month you can be absolutely assured that your son or Daughter will never ever venture into premarital sex and they will enjoy themselves along the way. How is this done you ask? It's simple we trick your child, adolescent, teen, or even mid 20 year old into spending their time away from society as a whole. Wow you say! Yes it's just that simple and the best part is that they will never know that you are keeping them in check. Here's how to order. Go to your local Bestbuy or gaming store and pick up World of Warcraft. What you ask World of Warcaft how will that help? World of Warcraft is an online game that millions of parents have discovered is the perfect supplement for social interaction. Your child will while away the hours that he or she would normally be pursuing the opposite sex talking gibberish and battling the forces of evil. But wouldn't they get bored fighting a computer game all day you ask? No that is the genius behind World of Warcraft we pit your young sons and daughters against each other into a cast system of Alliance and Horde. With these two waring factions pitted against each other in an epic struggle for domination so they will never get bored. So get your copy of World of Warcraft today and experience the Wow sensation that is sweeping the nation. 12 dollars a month is a small price to pay to know that your son or daughter is still a virgin.

Side effects may include: Sudden weight gain, Urge to scream "for the Horde" at odd times, Social retardation, dark bags under the eyes from sleepless nights. New forms of speech may emerge common saying like "noob, Leet, epic, and gotta do my dailies" are common. If your child begins to slip and loose interest in the game encourage them to get into raiding guilds and then smile and nod when they talk about it endlessly.


Audrey said...

A warning label should be added to read, "Warning: Should your child actually fall through the cracks and find him/herself married, discontinue use immediately. Continued use while in a marital condition may result in subsequent divorce."

Tonia said...

That is funny.

me,myself, and I said...

This is the funniest thing I've ever read, and very comforting at the same time. You are still playing aren't you?

The Mom said...

I just found your blog!

I must order for my almost 12 year old. Do you take payment in cucumbers and squash?