Living with depression

I listen to the car radio on my way to work each morning and the commercials are beginning to make me think that I'm depressed. (It starts out with some soothing music and goes into it's) Are you happy? Millions of Americans are living with depression (the music comes to a crescendo) But there is help at bobs discount drugs (ok I made up the bob part but you get the idea)
Then it goes into the signs of depression.
1. Are you tired and no matter how much you sleep you always wake up more fatigued?
2. Do you have thoughts of harming yourself or others?
3. Is there a rain cloud that follows you around only raining on you and calling you fat?
4. Does this touching music that is playing in the background make you want to gouge out your eyes or huddle in the corner while sucking your thumb until the pain stops?
5. Do people around you point and laugh calling you names like depresso and The sad-inator?

We can help at bobs discount pharmaceuticals we are starting an experimental trial on depression. Your time and travel should you survive will be compensated. You don't have to live with depression any longer (the music seems happy all of the sudden giving you hope for a fleeting moment and the feeling that everything might actually be ok) But only if you call now (the music takes away all hope and leaves you feeling dirty and unloved with your only option to swerve into oncoming traffic or call the number they repeat 70 more times in rapid succession)

Then the commercial ends.

Ya I think I might be depressed after all my boss did say something like Sad-inator the other day. It might have been senator after all he was listening to congress on the radio but I don't think I should take any chances.