Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Dream analysis

As an insomniac I don't actually have a lot of dreams to speak of. So I have become somewhat of a dream analysis expert so that when I do dream I can know what their meaning is. At least that's the story I told my coworkers and even though they have been burned by me before and horribly ridiculed because of it, they actually believed me. They started emailing me their dreams so that I could analyze them. Here are some of my abbreviated answers. Seriously though people you are starting to make it to easy for me to mock you.

Alison wrote:
I had this dream the other night were I am in a car and it has no brakes and I am heading for this river and I just know I'm going to crash. What does it mean?

My reply:
Well Alison this dream is a pretty common one, though mine usually involves a firetruck and some garden gnomes but I digress. Dreams where you are out of control are common for women especially, your inadequacy at even the most basic driving skills make it hard for your brain to process all the data your tiny girl brain sees when you are driving like an insane postal worker right on the edge of sanity. You feel powerless to take control of your raging hormones and as such, suck at driving. I hope this helps Alison,

Gary Wrote:
Syden I have this dream every so often that I am in the hospital dying and no one comes to visit. It's so strange it always leaves me rattled the next day. What do you think it is?

My Reply:
Gary that's @#$%'ing weird seek help man.
Your weirded out friend,

Joel wrote:
Ok this is a strange one I had this dream that I kept eating glass and it was really good so I just kept eating all this broken glass but I could never get full. What do you suppose that means?

My Reply:
Joel, of course, the old glass eating dream. I think just about everyone has a dream about eating endless amounts of glass once and a while. No wait that's just you. This dream is defiantly trying to tell you something perhaps you feel left out that you never got that razor in your candy at Halloween by the psycho down the street that smelled like pee. After all everyone else got a razor in their candy apple why not you? Because Joel nobody likes you. This dream is your brains way of telling you that it doesn't even like you and maybe you should eat some glass to end it all. Or maybe you have discovered the newest trend like deep fried candy bars, maybe deep fried glass could be next, YOUR GONNA BE A MILLIONAIRE! But most likely its meaning is that you deeply envy me and my awesomnitude and have no way to express it so you tell me your dreams. Don't try and deny it Joel, I know you want to be like me. But unfortunately this can never be Joel because, well.... I'm a winner.
Your winner coworker,
P.S. Don't kill yourself seriously that would be uncool

Cindy Wrote:
Syden I don't know if I buy into this whole dream analysis thing but here goes. I had a dream last week that my boyfriend was cheating on me and it felt so real that I was actually mad at him the next day until I realized it was all just a dream. I'm pretty sure I know what this means but go ahead have a crack at it.

My reply:
Cindy, yes it is pretty obvious but you wanted it analyzed so lol here it goes. You are obviously deeply attracted to me and have no way to show it so your very brain is telling you to get out of your terrible relationship. But dreams can have more than one meaning it could also mean that you need to buy a garden gnome to protect your hopes and dreams while you are sleeping. You could always get a dream catcher but they are a bitch to clean when they get full. So I recommend the gnome. Mine is for sale for only $200.00. He has a green hat and I call him Frank. He is mostly intact and the side of his face is badly burned from the cleansing ritual. But all in all he is a great defender of reality. I don't need him anymore because I got the enchanted apple of dreamlessness at the store so I wont be dreaming anymore. Hope this helps,

If you have a dream you need analyzed please leave a comment


me,myself, and I said...

I had this dream that I went to work where I clean the house of these really cool guys. Usually it is a huge mess but this time it was spotless and there was absolutely nothing to do. What do you think that means? My other dream is that a long lost relative leaves me lots of money.

Syden said...

That's not a dream stop sleeping on the job

Tonia said...

There are three little men and they keep telling me to eat the carrot cake.

Syden said...

You better do what they say, you're too damn skinny anyways.