Monday, August 10, 2009

Things I learned while being sick

There are a few things you learn by being sick that you just can't learn any other time in your life. Like how many times will a nurse stick you with a needle without hitting a vein before she apologizes? How much will that doctor that stuck his head into your room and never actually spoke directly to you end up charging you? And my favorite how many times will you be asked "hey how you feeling?" before you completely flip out? I decided to share some of these secrets with you so that you don't have to wonder anymore.

How many times will a nurse stick you before she apologizes? In my experience it takes 9 miss pokes before you get the "I'm sorry" then when she finally hits the vein she will look at you and expect immediate praise. I recommend giving it to her because you never know if she will be the same nurse later that makes you pee into 30 to 40 cups. I believe if you say thank you, you only have to pee into 2 cups.

How many cups will you be asked to pee into before they realize that they asked you not to eat or drink passed midnight and you are completely empty? 2 unless you didn't say thank you then 30 to 40.

How many times will you be asked the exact same personal information in one day? How many people did you see wearing scrubs this is the answer.

How much will that doctor that didn't actually speak to you end up charging you? 7 to 8 hundred dollars or 100 dollars a second or 50 dollars a word.

How many times will you have to go to the doctor/hospital before you have a diagnosis? I am up to 10 I'll let you know when I have a diagnosis.

How many times will someone ask you "hey how you feeling?" before you just flip out and start what will later be know as the worst killing spree in history? Just ask me one more time and find out.


Leeuna said...

How are you feeling? Okay...okay! Please don't hit me. :)


me,myself, and I said...

please quit being sick

Danielle Fox said...

Unless it's different in your country, you forgot to mention the 'How long before someone actually sees you?' and i dont mean literally, (unless its happening which case no one will see this anyhow) I recently had a slight drunken-finger-slammed-in-car door incident and it was well over 4 hours before anyone noticed my finger probably shouldnt bend that. In the emergency room. Very grateful i wasnt in dire straits.

JJ said...

I somehow randomly found your blog in my "daytime" over-the counter meds induced coma....very funny. I think I will come back and keep reading, even when the meds wear off.

if they wear off.