Thursday, May 28, 2009

Things to remember part II

Remember it's never to late to say you're sorry.... So I guess it's time we talk about your cat. At least I used a dryer sheet.

Remember to always chew your food 30 times before you swallow unless you're a vampire then once is probably enough.

Remember to not sweat the small stuff... My doctor led with that before telling me that I had a micro tumor in my brain.

Remember a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush unless the bush is on fire then dinner is ready.

Remember that a diamond is forever and so is that look on your fiances face when she finds out what you did to her cat.

Remember a penny saved is a penny earned but a penny hurled from a great height is a deadly projectile.

Remember that a rolling stone gathers no moss but a stone rolled through human blood is exhibit B in your trial.

Remember that a watched pot never boils but in all honesty why would you try a boil a pot anyways? I mean its just a big piece of really hot metal and at the boiling point its not really a pot anymore so ya... Sorry I burned down your house I was trying to prove a point.

Remember that absents makes the heart grow fonder but an absent heart makes a man grow colder and eventually he starts to smell. I should check on my roommate....

Remember an apple a day keeps the doctor away... No seriously I think that guy is like some kind of hybrid Wicken hippie vampire cross breed that feeds on the souls of litter bugs and can't take a shower. That might just be Jimbo the homeless guy on the corner sometimes I get those two confused.

Remember that it's better to be a big fish in a small pond or a really gigantic super morphed mutant nuclear fallout fish that will change the food chain forever in the big pond.

Remember to cross that bridge when you come to it and don't burn your bridges because you're already suspected of killing your roommate and the jury isn't endeared to you because of the cat thing so unless you're going for the all out insanity plea arson is probably not your best bet right now.

2 comments:

pipsmithy said...

http://images.teamsugar.com/files/users/1/13254/49_2007/cat.jpg

unrecognizable said...

I let your cats go out yesterday, and wouldn't let them back in. What is it about cats that make you just want to see if they really have nine lives?