Thursday, May 21, 2009

Syden's weight loss advice

Many of my readers know that I am a bigger guy and have recently lost a lot of weight over 100 lbs last year in fact. But guess what I am still fat. I have a long way to go to get a six pack over a keg. I read these helpful tips for loosing weight probably written by a guy who weighs 90 lbs and eats what ever he wants and never seems to gain an ounce. I have made some comments on his excerpts.

1.Make sure and get a good nights sleep lack of sleep can cause the body to hold on to weight……I have been an insomniac for 17 years so screw you.

2.Limit your stress. High stress and long working hours are counter productive for weight loss…..As an IT Manager I unusually have to work long hours dealing with morons all day the only way to cut down on stress would be to cut them down and that is life in jail at best. Also I am tired and hungry if I had more stress my eye would pop out. Crap now my eye is starting to twitch.

3.Air conditioning that’s right it said that raising the temperature decreases appetite and that artificial cold is bad…..I work in a server room temp 60 degrees oh yeah and I am fat!!! We get HOT!!!!!!

4.Cardio work outs say to get your heart rate up to 65-85% of your maximum heart rate…..My heart is that of a fat man and walking to the stair machine does the heart rate for me if I run and get it to say 90% I will DIE!

5.Calories are needed for energy don’t cut to many……Screw you hippy! When I eat 1200 calories I don’t loose weight when I eat 2000 I don’t loose weight when I eat 200 guess what I LOOSE weight my body starts eating itself, that’s the idea as long as I make sure and take all the correct vitamins in the correct proportions to avoid malnourishment it works.

6.Try eating 6 times a day to boost your metabolism…. THAT’S HOW I GOT FAT IN THE FIRST PLACE DAMNIT!

7.Your attitude can play a huge part in loosing weight stay positive!.........I want to find the perfectly fit idiot who said this and punch him in the face. That would change my outlook on fitness for sure.

8.Keep a food journal……
Dear diary,
Today I ate some food it was not satisfying and I am really hungry love always,
Syden
Keeping a food journal is depressing as hell and reading a food journal will make you want to kill yourself

9.Set realistic goals for your weight loss……Setting realistic goals didn’t get me to loose 100 lbs in 8 months.

10.Your support system, surround yourself with positive influencing people…..This would mean that I would have to commit myself to an asylum where the men in white coats talk soothingly all the time. I live in the real world and as such if I want to go to say, the gym people are going to stare at the fat guy.

What I learned: people who have never been fat should not give advice. Now I get to go eat my 200-500 calories which by the way is the equivalent to half a PopTart.

3 comments:

pipsmithy said...

100 lbs. Way to go Syden! That is tough stuff. I love the comment about your food journal. I tried to do that once and yes, it was depressing. Celery sticks and rice cakes don't make for page turners. I use to sneak in jelly beans and then write down 'fruit'. They taste like it don't they?
My complaint is those skinny people at work who always order salads and constantly talk about how they really need to lose weight. So annoying. Kay, I'm writing a lot and I gotta get back to work.
-Pip

me,myself, and I said...

You look so great

James said...

Well,

The simplest way of guide to weight loss in a healthy way is to maintain a low caloric intake combined with a bit of proper exercise in your daily life. Your approach can make a lot of difference to losing weight in a sustainable manner. What you have to do is to create negative calorie deficiency for the day or week or month and lose weight as fast as you have desired.