Thursday, May 21, 2009

Things I like to do in long meetings

Aka things you probably shouldn't do
When meetings start to run long as they do so often around here I like to keep myself entertained, mainly so I don't fall asleep as they drone on and on. So when you are bored to tears in your next company get together here are a few things to try.

Randomly interrupt the speaker with questions that have nothing to do with his or her department. Then apologize and ask them to continue this will often throw them so far off track that they will just sit down.

When someone is in a particularly long rant or speech wait for them to take a breath then stand up and start clapping. Often other coworkers who weren't paying attention will join in, keep clapping as you make your way to the door. Nothing ends a meeting faster than a standing ovation.

When people get bored they start to look around wait till the person next to you looks away then stare at them intently. When they look back jump a little and look shocked a small gasp will add to the effect. Most of the time this scares the hell out them.

"Drop your pen" under the table and quickly tie two coworkers shoelaces together or if you want deniability tie a coworkers shoelace to the chair they are siting in. You have to be fast and go unnoticed but when you pull it off the result is hilarious.

When you are called on use as many buzz words as you can in a sentence. Example: "I looked into synergizing the dynamic framework but found the immersion paradigm of the next generation software too simplistic. So I am being proactive in this particular enterprise for maximum empowerment so that there is no paradigm shift otherwise we might get to a tipping point, retroactively of course." Then smile look around haughtily and sit down. You will not have said a damn thing but no one will argue with you because they don't want to look stupid. (Note: I did this in my last meeting and my boss actually congratulated me after the fact for my productivity)

So with these in mind I have a meeting to go to.


Tonia said...

Seriously...did you say that. You did, didn't you.

Syden said...

Do you know me at all? Of course I said it, and I am proud!