Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Online Dating

Lately for kicks I have been making up fake profiles and posting them on dating sites to see if I can get responses. Here is one I posted 2 days ago

Username: notafreakingpsycho23
Birthday: March ?? ???? I’m not sure the exact year but I know it was a while ago ‘cause I can’t seem to remember it at all.
Education: N/A
Occupation: N/A
Favorite Color: Red but only if it looks like blood
Hobbies: Pretending, dreaming, dreaming about pretending, and pretending to be dreaming.
Pets: I used to have a cat but he got locked in the oven on lasagna night. And my tape worm frank

About me:
Hello my name is Toby my favorite pastime is practicing smiling in the mirror. Sometimes I go to old folks home and smile at them until they ask me to leave. My big goal is to no longer look so creepy when I am smiling. Old people look like wrinkled peanuts I wonder how salty they are.

I was raised in the commune with the other soldiers of god by my Dad and my 17 moms we learned lots of great things like shooting, skinning small animals, and making moon shine in the old tub out back. I was there till I was 9 and was traded to the government as a show of good faith. Hmm I wonder how that turned out.

My Ideal Partner:
I am looking for a woman with wide child bearing hips and real hair. I had a girlfriend once named rain she lived in forest behind the government holding center and used to sing to tree frogs for blessing from the great mother. I stopped seeing her after the doctor adjusted my medication. So now that I am out I don’t take it anymore in hopes she will come back

Location:
I live really close to the train and like to shout wooo woooo when it goes past ever three hours.

My Ideal Date:
I would take you some place really fancy like McDonalds and let you get whatever you wanted. If you got hungry later you could try some of my squirrel stew but that’s more of a second date kind of thing.

My Favorite music:
I think that music is from Satan except maybe Linkin Park they are pretty good.

Favorite Movies:
I have never seen a movie up close but sometimes I sneak into my neighbors back yard and watch their TV from the bushes. You can’t hear but its more fun to make up the words anyways. My favorite TV show is friends when I do the voices for them it’s just like living on the commune.

Favorite books:
I enjoy reading the things written on the sides of the train when it passes but it goes real fast so sometimes I hurt my neck trying to look at it so quick.

Closing:
So if you are interested in bearing children, learning combat skills, and know your amendment rights I am the guy for you.

2 comments:

Tonia said...

There are a few chicks in Texas I could hook you up with - they live along the bayou. Hmmm, you could also try Arkansas.

SLT said...

Ha. Please check my blog out. My friend and I are doing an online dating "experiment." few of the posts are from dates we actually went on. Hope you enjoy!