Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Bathroom etiquette 101 men addition.

Bathroom etiquette 101 men addition.

1. Urinals: When in the bathroom you are not permitted to stand at the urinal when someone else is at the one adjacent to it. If you find yourself in a situation where the only free urinal is next to one being used then hold it or go into a stall. The only exception to this rule is if the urinals have the slight fake walls on both sides then pee were you may.
2. Conversation: It is never ok to talk in the bathroom when you or the subject of your comment is touching porcelain or is unzipped. This means that yes when we are both washing our hands a polite hello is acceptable. Anything other than programed response answers is still not allowed under any circumstances. Example "whats up?" is still ok because I can force a smile and nod but something like "did you see Lost last night?" IS NOT OK. You can wait till we are outside the bathroom to talk about Sawyers latest nickname.
3. Cell Phones: If your phone rings in the bathroom it is ok to ignore it completely let it ring, if for some reason you don't like your ringer you may push the button to make it stop ringing. YOU MAY NOT ANSWER IT. If I call you and I hear grunting the background we can no longer be friends. Do not squat and talk not ever not even to call your sick wife. You can do that from the hall. The phone rings to tell you that the heart you have been waiting for is ready for transplant, YOU ZIP UP GO OUTSIDE AND TAKE THE CALL.
4. Eye contact: While eye contact is ok and even encouraged in public relations. This rule does not apply in the bathroom. Never make eye contact I dont care if that guy in the office that shares your floor thinks you have autism keep your eyes to yourself in the bathroom!
5. Sounds: Sometimes you have to make sounds when dropping he kids off at the pool. If you find yourself in a situation where this is unavoidable use these rules. If you are alone go nuts the walls can shake for all I care. If you are interrupted by a casual pee-er go silent mode until they leave guys are fast. Courtesy flushes are not only a nice way of getting rid of a smell but can mask your ghastly sound try and flush before epic attempts at world records. If someone is sitting in a stall also making cable then it is ok to both make sounds as long as you follow the above rules. And yes it is ok to pretend you are not in a stall and lift your feat when your boss comes in a exclaims "Oh God what is that smell!"

If you have any questions about the above do not ask in the bathroom.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My husband says he does done every one of those (the last one) and he agrees with all of the other ones. I am going to put that in my 'to be forgotten quickly' section of my brain.
Hey - how come I can't post anonymously?