Conversation Translated

I work with a lot of girls and I realized that what I say is not always what they hear. So I came up with this handy translation guide.

What I said: Good Morning
What you heard: I don’t care enough about you to notice that you’re wearing new shoes

What I said: Hey do you have that report for me?
What you heard: You are incompetent and fat and I hate you and everything you do here.

What I said: You look nice today.
What you heard: You looked like crap yesterday

What I said: I’m going to lunch, be back in an hour.
What you heard: You need to loose weight and I am throwing it in your face by not inviting you to lunch even though I have never before invited you to lunch. Which means that I have always thought that you where fat, oh and I hate you.

What I said: Hey great job on that report.
What you heard: I am mocking you and think that you’re incompetent.

What I said: I’m out of here have a great night.
What you heard: Even though you’re supposed to work two more hours today because I was so insulting today wait 5 minutes after I leave then go home.

Ya My car didn’t start and I saw you leave the parking lot.