Thursday, March 19, 2009

Im back

Ok after two drug addled weeks in excruciating pain I am back and will now share with you what I have learned.

When they pull a shunt out of your 'man hole' you are fully conscious they apply a local anesthesia which they jam down said 'man hole' in a tube there is no pain killer for the pain killer that they jam 4 inches down your penis. My Doctor let me know that there are a lucky few people that the anesthesia doesn't work and they can feel the entire procedure. How did I get so lucky. So after he went spelunking with his giant scope and I was lying on the cold table making sounds not unlike a whale giving birth. He used the claw attachment to pull out the shunt. Shunt sounds like such a nice word it sounds small and soothing. This is wrong. My shunt was just over a foot long and I could feel it pulling out of my kidney and sort of expected it to make the sucking sound like a plunger in a sink. Passed the prostate and out the 'man hole' it only took 15 minutes but it felt like sitting through a rendition pride and prejudice as read by a half illiterate who stutters. So now I'm back and will do my best to not let this experience get me to jaded. Actually I think I was already at the jaded maximum setting. Side note the qualifications for being a urologist are as follows: Likes to cause pain, has warm hands, no problem looking at another mans junk all day, horrible sense of humor (my urologist has one of those rock walls in his waiting room that has the water flowing down it. I know that sounds soothing but when you are surrounded by people who are in pain whenever they pee it is just cruel and unusual punishment), also you must hire at least one attractive assistant who no male patient can think about safely while in an exam room.

1 comment:

Tonia said...

Pride and Prejudice with a stutter huh? That's pretty bad.