Monday, March 2, 2009

Kidney Stones and you

So I had kidney stones this week, bad enough that they had to operate. Little know fact: once in a great while they have to go in through the "man hole" to get to the gigantic stones. Now while I was on morphine that's right they gave me morphine like the soldier in Saving Private Ryan right before he died. Now while I was in this state of liquid relief these are some of the conversations I had. While sitting in the recovery room I asked a pretty nurse out on a date. When she said; "no I am sorry I'm married" I replied; it probably wouldn't have worked out anyways I have a tube in my penis.
While waiting for the surgeon to arrive I asked if they where going to shave my nether regions. When they said no I asked in a disappointed voice if they would at least buy me breakfast when it was all over and tell me that they loved me.
When I arrived at the hospital emergency room the nurse and I got chatting and she asked me how was my weekend. I replied it was awesome and was thinking of converting to masochism because the pain was just so much fun. She stared blankly for a minute then left uncomfortably.
After failing to find the vein after 7 tries and bruising my arm horribly. Every time the nurse started by saying "slight pinch" about a half an hour later after I finally had some medication in me the nurse asked me how my pain was I replied it pinches slightly then glared at her. I actually got a laugh out of the doctor at that one.
Ok I am still pretty loopy so that's all for now sorry about the hiatus loyal readers. At least I found out that after two weeks of agonizing pain that going to the emergency room wasn't a complete waist of time. So that's good news at least.


Daniel said...


Hope you are soon better.


pipsmithy said...

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