Recently there has been an outpouring of “evil geologists” looking for a quick buck on the world domination and enslavement train. That’s right the worlds evil overlords have put aside there nuclear arms plans and have turned to the sciences to complete their long term objectives. They seek what only a geologist could give them a greenschist, (some explanation might be needed for all of you non-evil geologists.) A greenschist is a metamorphic schist containing chlorite and epidote (which are green) and formed by low-temperature, low-pressure metamorphism. Now stop and think about that for a second, a green rock formed by low temperature and low-pressure. What could have a lower temperature than space? And low pressure I think floating along in the vacuum of space is pretty low pressure. So are you thinking what I am thinking? That’s right geologists are looking for Kryptonite. A green rock from space known by evil geologist as “Greenschist.” They are helping the world’s evil geniuses to stop Superman. As we all know and to Superman’s great dismay Kryptonite is his only weakness. His super speed, super strength, and heat vision is useless to the awesome power of geology. So if you are a good American loving, non-evil person, do yourself a favor and stop the geologists before its too late. Storm the mountains where they live and throw rocks at them or something but be careful because they have hammers and picks. If you’re not sure what to look for and want to participate in “Beat geologists across America” program look for these tell tale signs.
1.Constant staring at counter tops, bathroom tiles, concrete side walks, or at anything else even remotely made of rock.
2.Say things like “that’s a nice rock,” then laugh hysterically for ten minutes.(note nice is a kind of rock)
3.Look for the tell tale bulge in the pocket and ask “is that a rock in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” The geologist will immediately pull out a rock.
4.When you a girl approaches and asks “if they want to make the bed rock.” A geologist will immediately go to look for his field guide, hiking boots, and rock hammer.
5.If they believe a recent event to be anything that happened in the last 100,000 years.
6.And finally if you over hear them saying “have you tried licking it?” with no note of sexual innuendo at all.
These evil geologists must be stopped join the Beat Geologists across America foundation and help us bring an end to the terror. No kryptonite seeking freak must go unpunished!
Dedicated to: Ben Davis and Craig Davis two Evil geologists still at large.