Friday, August 15, 2008

Act IV Women Live longer then Men

Disclaimer: The following views are hilarious and may cause damage to your health if read in the vicinity of females

So Women live longer than men it is a proven fact they are healthier and live on average 10 years longer than their male counterparts, but why? Scientific studies would have you believe that women retain more body water, and that their fluid mass is able to sustain more white blood cells that fight off bacteria and other harmful agents that bring about early demise. These so called “facts” are false sure they can show you data and case studies but I have another explanation. I had a revelation the other day when I was driving in my car and the gas light came on. My passenger told me “hey you’re running on fumes.” And that’s when it hit me, fumes! Have you ever been in a room full of guys eventually the farts start coming whether we mean to or not the gas expands beyond our control and poof out it comes a variety of sounds and smells. Now take a step back have you ever been in a room full of females it’s like a freaking dysfunctional rose garden but the tooting is not to be heard. I submit that the reason that women last longer is because they are “running on fumes.” Somehow females have found a way to harness this gastrointestinal phenomenon into a raw power source. No pun intended. So as men slowly but surely putt putt around leaving in their wake the sweet smell of rotting death they are unwittingly shortening their lives. Am I suggesting that we stop farting? No! I say we lift a leg proudly and salute to the stench God gave us. I say bend over and let one for all of us. I mean what’s a few years of eating apple sauce with our tooth and yearning for the chewy deliciousness that is steak. I say let it loose proudly! Stand up, sit down and walk up and down the isles of your work leaving in your wake a cloud of manliness. BE A MAN AND LET IT OUT LOUD


Tonia said...

You're nuts. I like the music.

Robby said...

Dustin Dustin Dustin... You're a weirdo man! But you saying submit makes me think of Brian Regan "Can life get better? I submit that it cannot!" haha, caught stealing material! haha