Friday, August 15, 2008

Act III Sleep is a four letter word

After a needed rest from the vigor’s of uncovering the truth about certain inalienable facts I have come to a certain conclusion which I will now share with you. Sleep is a four letter word. Now I know what your thinking 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 no I count five in total well you’re wrong. It is a dirty perverse word generated from the “Man” to keep me down. Quite literally in fact: if the average person gets 6 hours of sleep in any given night and most Americans crave at least 8 hours they develop a longing sensation in the back of their brain. It is sending a signal from your medulla oblongata saying “hey I need more sleep.” All the while corporate America is selling you drugs to keep you up like coffee, caffeinated beverages, ginseng infested fruit smoothies, and Damned Dirty Hippie crap. All designed to keep you awake long enough that you can get through your day just in time to get home watch prime time and take sleeping pills. So why do they do it? Why would they systematically break down the Human spirit to a blubbering mass of non thinking burnt out long haired social leaches? It is a massive plot to overthrow the government by none other than the main proprietor of bean flavored liquid crack. That’s right Starbucks is to blame. They are selling their must have products to an unsuspecting populace all in an effort to take over congress so they can finally uncover phase three of their sinister plan. Phase One: sell delicious coffee there by making the world addicted what ever we say. Phase Two: Multiply over the face of the earth slowly move into every neighborhood, every street corner, and every soul. Phase Three: Kill all non supporters of coffee and coffee related products and release new flavor called mind control double late supreme with mocha whip cream and one of those swizzle sticks. So you see Starbucks has paid off scientists, government officials, and teachers to tell people “you need at least 8 hours of sleep to function properly. Other wise you’ll need to go buy a super sized coffee oh and have your heard about that new flavor it comes with one of those swizzle sticks for free!” So say no to sleep… don’t… give in to……… yawn…….. Corporate ……Zzzzzz Zzzzz ZZzzzzzzz…………

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