Monday, January 12, 2009

Side Act 5: Justifications for fattitude

Just remember kids when you have fat friends there are no seesaws only catapults.

One serving is when the spoon scrapes the bottom of any container.

Pop tarts make a great substitute for bread. Side note my strawberry tuna sandwich is not as good as it sounds.

Driving from garage to the mail box is ok as long as you are not wearing any pants.

The bigger you get the easier it is to float.

Get in shape well this just in, round is a shape. So is a rhombus but that's just unattractive.

Your food storage is portable. (even if you are not)

More of you to love. Much, much more so much you might overdose and die if I roll over in my sleep.

Scientifically speaking an object with more mass has more of gravitational field. So when your friends are setting you up on a blind date and she asks is he attractive? You can say yes, and have the laws of physics to back you up.

The 5 second rule for dropping food only applies if it is possible to bend over and pick it up in 5 seconds adjust accordingly to your size.

And finally....

Don't think of a clogged artery as a negative. Think of it as years of hard work.


mylitter said...

haha.. I know a kid who fell asleep and rolled over on his pet duck. That was funny. I mean, not for the duck and it wasn't at the time cuz he felt bad but now years later it is.

This is Anna-you crack me up.

Tonia said...

A pop tart tuna sandwich. I guess you can't knock it till you've tried it.

The maid said...

People who can bend do, those who can't pull the bar stool up to the fridge so that they don't waste precious calories with the small stuff in life. Of course the small stuff doesn't stay small for long