Friday, January 23, 2009

Side Act 12: Historical facts and why I hate them

Christopher Columbus "discovered" America in 1492. That was the day he realized that this was not in fact India and that he was horribly, horribly lost.

We get a holiday when Martin Luther King talks about his dreams but when I do it they up my medication.

George Washington designed his soldiers uniforms and considered himself quite the tailor. His soldiers got the nickname "The Virginia Blues" for their matching outfits and he got his picture on the dollar bill. I suggest "no pants Friday" and they have meetings about me.

Chinese Emperor Shen-Nung introduced acupuncture in 2700 BC as a medical practice but stab one co-worker in the neck with a pencil and it's "harassment."

The first-known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 BC. I find that not bathing in regular intervals and having Cheeto colored fingers works just as effectively.

There are more statues of Sacajewa, Lewis & Clark's female Indian guide, in the United States than any other person. If that doesn't make up for stealing your land and selling your watered down whiskey then I don't know what will.

1 comment:

The maid said...

some of your ideas are sooooo funny.
And then there are those that are just sick and wrong.