Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Act 13 The great Tomato Catastrophe
So I was meandering around the web the other day and came across an interesting fact. Tomatoes are the leading selling fruit in the whole world. Bananas came second followed by apples. But this raised an interesting question; is a tomato really a fruit? Yes, by definition it is not an underground blah, blah, blah but facts don’t interest me as much as fruit salad. So the question is, could you put a tomato in a fruit salad? NO that would be hypocrisy and it would sully the name of the salad. People would gag and say ‘is that a tomato with those grapes and strawberries!?’ And then the world as we know it (being my barbeque) would come to a disgusting end, dessert ruined all due to that damned tomato not knowing its place. Like a country star trying to cross over into hard rock the tomato is a catastrophic failure. Not that the tomato doesn’t have its uses. It is good when put in its place with all the other vegetables. It can be quite delectable in some sauces and vegetable salads. You can even kick it up and notch and make a spicy salsa. But stop trying to add yourself to my ice cream Sunday tomato! That’s a job for the number one fruit. Welcome back to the top banana my trusted old friend. But the definition makes it a fruit you say? Well I live in America and in America I can do whatever I want to secure the safety of my barbeque. So I turned to the Supreme Court for help. They did not disappoint. It turns out in April 24, 1893 the Supreme Court ruled that tomatoes where a vegetable and subject to all the laws and regulations of a vegetable, like not being in my fruit salad. So take that tomatoes and welcome to the land of the free and the home of the brave. Now somebody pass the ketchup.