A small list of things that bother me feel free to add to it in the comments section.
Girls in books or shows who think that they can change a Vampires after 265 years of being blood sucking monsters.
Why do movies that have the technology to show me really cool fight scenes decided at the last minute to hand the camera to the kid with seizures during all the intense action? Thus making me nauseous and completely miss what is actually happening except the gist yes, they fought got it… thanks for nothing.
Chain letters even if they have a good point, something funny, or a great picture that I might have considered forwarding on anyways. If I get to the bottom and it tells me to send it to 7 people or I will die a grizzly death it goes to the garbage. Stop it! A forward of a forward of a forward is no longer mail and will no longer be tolerated.
When a girl plucks her eyebrows till they no longer exist then draw them on with a blue pencil. Let me tell you what guys look for in eyebrows. Are there two of them? Can you see out from under them? That is all.
I saw an interesting preview, my friends went to see it and said it was great, so I go to the video store to rent it and all they have is the Uncensored and uncut version. There is usually a reason it was cut and censored and I want to see the damned version that got good reviews. Not the 7 hour version of dances with wolves! Note there is actually a 7 hour version of Dances with Wolves. I do not recommend this unless you are masochist with a death wish and think rising action is a guy riding on a horse for two hours.
When I reply to a coworkers morning greeting of “How are you?” with the obligatory “good, how are you?” And they respond by telling me all about their problems for the next 45 minutes. If we are friends great, if I only talk to you because I am forced to by company etiquette please leave me alone.
When people ask me if I have seen a movie, I tell them no but I am going to see it later then they talk about key plot elements in front of me insisting that it ruins nothing. Little secret if it was note worthy then it does matter!!!
When I am watching a show online or on T.V. and the commercials are way louder than the show.
Showing posts with label insanity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insanity. Show all posts
Monday, November 2, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Six Degrees of desperation
Six degrees of separation (also referred to as the "Human Web") refers to the idea that, if a person is one step away from each person they know and two steps away from each person who is known by one of the people they know, then everyone is at most six steps away from any other person on Earth. It was popularized by a play written by John Guare.
On the other hand Six degrees of Desperation (also referred to as my "dating pool") refers to the idea that, If I make a big enough idiot of myself that people tell and retell the story of my idiocy. That if each person tells just one other person they know that eventually every girl on the planet will know me as "that guy." This theory has been percolating in the back of my mind since the days of Lorena Bobbit. She did one incredibly idiotic thing and now her dating pool is 0 based on the same series of events.
So basically it comes down to this; on a small scale I tested it out by telling just one girl in the office I work at something stupid I did. By the end of the day every girl in the entire office had that "I know what you did" look as I passed by. Bringing this to a big scale I and the amount of time I spend doing stupid things that people talk about I am guessing that in 6 months time I will be un-datable.
(What stupid thing did I do that I told a coworker about? I'm sure if you read half of my past blogs you will figure it out eventually.)
On the other hand Six degrees of Desperation (also referred to as my "dating pool") refers to the idea that, If I make a big enough idiot of myself that people tell and retell the story of my idiocy. That if each person tells just one other person they know that eventually every girl on the planet will know me as "that guy." This theory has been percolating in the back of my mind since the days of Lorena Bobbit. She did one incredibly idiotic thing and now her dating pool is 0 based on the same series of events.
So basically it comes down to this; on a small scale I tested it out by telling just one girl in the office I work at something stupid I did. By the end of the day every girl in the entire office had that "I know what you did" look as I passed by. Bringing this to a big scale I and the amount of time I spend doing stupid things that people talk about I am guessing that in 6 months time I will be un-datable.
(What stupid thing did I do that I told a coworker about? I'm sure if you read half of my past blogs you will figure it out eventually.)
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Questions for An Insomniac
If you have questions for an insomniac like me or want to know if you might be an insomniac yourself simply leave a comment in the form of a question and I would be happy to answer.
Sample Question:
Syden how is it that you only get 2-3 hours of sleep a night and are still so cool?
Sample Answer:
How is it that you get 8-9 hours of sleep a night and are still so lame? The answer is simple I was born to be awesome and you my friend had a chance at awesomnitude and slept past it with your snooze button in hand.
I am an open book so go ahead and ask. (Mothers need not apply, all sales are final, answers may and almost always will smack of smart ass-ery, Canadians need not apply)
Tjames asks: Is your employer hiring? Because I want to work there....
No Tjames we are not hiring and frankly it boggles my mind how I have gotten away with what I have over the years, probably because I have all of their passwords.
Augusto asks:
In your own words, what is your opinion of the best use of the hours between 2:35 and 5:12? I find myself perplexed. The television is generally useless at that time and I'm typically too exhausted to enjoy porn at such sleepless hours.
Who's words would I answer in if not my own I guess I could go and look for a Wikipedia entry for 2:35-5:12 and copy it but so far my search has had very poor results. Let's see between 2:35 and 5 first of course you try and sleep that kills about an hour or two tossing and turning. Then I do the mandatory 3am sock puppet show because I haven't slept in 3 weeks and I find this the funniest thing in the entire world. (Side note my former roommate did not find this the funniest thing in the entire world he is still not speaking to me.) If I get incredibly bored I torment my neighbors cat with a laser pointer and try and get him to run into things while crouched in the bushes. 4 Am is prime time to work on your zombie Apocalypse plan and possibly even run some test get to the fortified bunker. By 5 all hope for sleep is completely out the window and you don't look a psycho for going out and getting some errands done if needs be. I like to wander around walmart at this time when guys with mullets and that one bag lady who smells like molten death are safely asleep. FYI the longer you watch infomercials the more they make perfect sense so try and stay away or invent fun games like you have to drink whenever shamwow guy says something that has absolutely nothing to do with his product like random inference to girls in bikinis (trust me it happens a lot.) Hope that helps Augusto.
Justin said...
If I can't sleep, well then I just don't - it doesn't matter. Stay up, blog, do whatever. Just because the rest of the world is sleeping doesn't mean you have to.
Well laddi freakin da Justin! For some of us it's not that it's a choice to stay up it's a curse and all we want to do is sleep but for some sick reason God decided it would be funny to make this an impossibility! I'm not talking about when you had one or two bad nights of sleep and decided to deem yourself an insomniac. I am talking about 15 agonizing years of listening to people complain about how tired they are on Monday morning because they stayed up to late and you have been going on about 45 minutes to 2 hours of sleep a night for the past 3 months! Wow I'm sorry Justin I have no idea where that came from... Ya good advice man keep it coming.
Sample Question:
Syden how is it that you only get 2-3 hours of sleep a night and are still so cool?
Sample Answer:
How is it that you get 8-9 hours of sleep a night and are still so lame? The answer is simple I was born to be awesome and you my friend had a chance at awesomnitude and slept past it with your snooze button in hand.
I am an open book so go ahead and ask. (Mothers need not apply, all sales are final, answers may and almost always will smack of smart ass-ery, Canadians need not apply)
Tjames asks: Is your employer hiring? Because I want to work there....
No Tjames we are not hiring and frankly it boggles my mind how I have gotten away with what I have over the years, probably because I have all of their passwords.
Augusto asks:
In your own words, what is your opinion of the best use of the hours between 2:35 and 5:12? I find myself perplexed. The television is generally useless at that time and I'm typically too exhausted to enjoy porn at such sleepless hours.
Who's words would I answer in if not my own I guess I could go and look for a Wikipedia entry for 2:35-5:12 and copy it but so far my search has had very poor results. Let's see between 2:35 and 5 first of course you try and sleep that kills about an hour or two tossing and turning. Then I do the mandatory 3am sock puppet show because I haven't slept in 3 weeks and I find this the funniest thing in the entire world. (Side note my former roommate did not find this the funniest thing in the entire world he is still not speaking to me.) If I get incredibly bored I torment my neighbors cat with a laser pointer and try and get him to run into things while crouched in the bushes. 4 Am is prime time to work on your zombie Apocalypse plan and possibly even run some test get to the fortified bunker. By 5 all hope for sleep is completely out the window and you don't look a psycho for going out and getting some errands done if needs be. I like to wander around walmart at this time when guys with mullets and that one bag lady who smells like molten death are safely asleep. FYI the longer you watch infomercials the more they make perfect sense so try and stay away or invent fun games like you have to drink whenever shamwow guy says something that has absolutely nothing to do with his product like random inference to girls in bikinis (trust me it happens a lot.) Hope that helps Augusto.
Justin said...
If I can't sleep, well then I just don't - it doesn't matter. Stay up, blog, do whatever. Just because the rest of the world is sleeping doesn't mean you have to.
Well laddi freakin da Justin! For some of us it's not that it's a choice to stay up it's a curse and all we want to do is sleep but for some sick reason God decided it would be funny to make this an impossibility! I'm not talking about when you had one or two bad nights of sleep and decided to deem yourself an insomniac. I am talking about 15 agonizing years of listening to people complain about how tired they are on Monday morning because they stayed up to late and you have been going on about 45 minutes to 2 hours of sleep a night for the past 3 months! Wow I'm sorry Justin I have no idea where that came from... Ya good advice man keep it coming.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Fan Fiction
One of the more enjoyable things in life is when I am having a completely normal conversation with someone which steers naturally into what kind of books or movies we both like and ends with a 9 hour discussion about this persons insane fan fiction. Sure I like to come home from the Transformers movie and imagine how cool it would be to have a robot car that I never had to fill with gas for the trade off of mild radiation poisoning. But to write a 30 page story about how BumbleBee is in love with me and is really a girl robot and how he transforms into the best lover you've ever had, well... that's literally insane. No seriously, I looked it up
Insane: Traditionally, insanity, craziness or madness is the behavior whereby a person flouts societal norms and may become a danger to themselves and others.
You flouted social norms by thinking it was ok to tell me about your sexual fantasy involving a robot car, and endangered yourself by not realizing that I might beat the crap out of you for telling me in great detail about it for 9 hours = insane. You then endangered me by giving me the equivalent of a brain colonic whereby I almost had an aneurysm. Now I have always considered myself nerdy beyond all reason. I enjoy D&D, play World of Warcraft, am an IT Manager, write a blog, and have seen every episode of every Star Trek ever. I however draw the line at dressing up like a moron and flaunting my geekdom with a homemade sword and elf ears. OK that one time I made a foam sword and played battleguard in the backyard BUT I DID NOT WEAR STICK ON EARS. (That sentence right there will keep me out of politics forever) But people if you like an idea write about it but please keep your insanity bottled up deep inside like the rest of us. I am generally against the death penalty but if I have to sit through one more discussion about How Gandalf could in fact be your grandfather because you were adopted and you have strange magical powers I might just have to inject you myself. I'll give you this you do have the power to make me feel normal you freaking psycho.
Insane: Traditionally, insanity, craziness or madness is the behavior whereby a person flouts societal norms and may become a danger to themselves and others.
You flouted social norms by thinking it was ok to tell me about your sexual fantasy involving a robot car, and endangered yourself by not realizing that I might beat the crap out of you for telling me in great detail about it for 9 hours = insane. You then endangered me by giving me the equivalent of a brain colonic whereby I almost had an aneurysm. Now I have always considered myself nerdy beyond all reason. I enjoy D&D, play World of Warcraft, am an IT Manager, write a blog, and have seen every episode of every Star Trek ever. I however draw the line at dressing up like a moron and flaunting my geekdom with a homemade sword and elf ears. OK that one time I made a foam sword and played battleguard in the backyard BUT I DID NOT WEAR STICK ON EARS. (That sentence right there will keep me out of politics forever) But people if you like an idea write about it but please keep your insanity bottled up deep inside like the rest of us. I am generally against the death penalty but if I have to sit through one more discussion about How Gandalf could in fact be your grandfather because you were adopted and you have strange magical powers I might just have to inject you myself. I'll give you this you do have the power to make me feel normal you freaking psycho.
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