Act 17 The Cany Corn Conspiracy

I have a theory. I believe that all candy corn, fruit cake, and valentines hearts in the entire world where made in the year 1867. An evil corporation set out to sell hyped up “candy” that they knew no one would actually be able to eat. Then with a brilliant marketing department they have been able to keep people buying these atrocities year after upset stomach two bottles of Pepto-Bismol soaked year. Then with a team of unpaid interns they scour the land fills collect the “candy” and are all set for the following year. How else can you explain opening a new bag of candy corn only to discover that it is already stale? Or biting into a rock hard candy heart just out of the pouch? And since we all know that no one actually eats fruit cake so that one is pretty self explanatory. For over a hundred years this evil corporation has duped us into buying and re-buying processed reprocessed crap and frankly I am tired of it. All to finance other horrible projects such as Lego Land (oh I hate you Lego Land) and probably the Muppet Show, but more on that later.